i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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