I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
