The maid of honor just puked.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
