are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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