The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
