his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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