Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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