their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i love accidental penises.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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