I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize