I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
