Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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