and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
