It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
