i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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