After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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