Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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