I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
