At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
