don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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