the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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