I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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