if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
