Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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