PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
