Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
