i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
