Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
