I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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