Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
