I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Holy sore nipples Batman
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