he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
