I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
