Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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