I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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