the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
