i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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