what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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