Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
