I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
