Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
