would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
