found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
