Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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