What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
