would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
