The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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