Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
