i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize