I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
