I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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