census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
