Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
