So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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