you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
