you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
pray to the hookup gods
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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