thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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