even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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