I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
