went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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