I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
