it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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