dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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