i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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