People with herpes should wear stickers.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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