And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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