Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
