i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
