Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
