I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
